I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
