I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
