Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
