the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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