wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Girls should come with a carfax report
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
