im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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