put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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