fuck your aforementioned shoe
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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