Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
