I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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