see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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