I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
