I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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