I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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