I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
