Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
