Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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