the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
