I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Girls should come with a carfax report
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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