I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
