come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
