hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
