It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
