And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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