I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
