So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
