On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
