Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
