You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just want nice things and good sex
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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