I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
