So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
