Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
