He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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