just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
