You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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