My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
