i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
