I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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