Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
