I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
