his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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