take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize