my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
