I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
