This is the prime rib incident all over again
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
