Don't you send me to vm
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
