Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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