covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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