four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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