i think i have herpe
just one?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
