Kareoke will never be a sober sport
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize