get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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