he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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