Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
