even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
