whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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