my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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