the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I had to cum in my sink.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
