And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
