I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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