where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
