i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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