I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
