I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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