He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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