I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
