question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
