This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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