Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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