Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I FOUND THE LEGS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
