To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
