and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
