People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
