You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize