I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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