i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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