She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
