guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
