Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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