i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize