Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
