This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
