Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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