How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
