matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
