Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
