never play flip cup with pint glasses
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
