Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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