Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
