i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize