meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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