One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
