I'm going to rape someone's good day.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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