A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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