My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This is my gift to your gina
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
