at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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