youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
