I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to fling myself into the sun
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
