i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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