you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
