You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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